I don't know how to handle this feeling, I dont know. I get depressed and I am filled with dark thoughts most of the time. I have a terrible inferiority complex that doesn't leave me in peace. Now, I cant stop compare me with the ex-girlfriends of the person I love. He committed the error of showing me their photos and tell me about them, not noticing that I have this complex so destructive. I look them , and look at myself and I just want to cry . They are smarter than me, have more experience in love, are living in other countries and I? I'm here, and still unable to fly and face the world. I despair wondering what he saw in them. I know they are more beautiful than me, thats clear , perhaps because of their intelligence, they have a career and I'm just an idiot that feeds on their dreams. But I'm almost certain that they didn't treat him as I treat him , I know that sometimes I act like a child and I see the world differently. I have fear, I tried to be a special person to him but I couldn't. I honestly feel that this is so .... And this feeling is made worse when I realize that he is my inspiration and my desires to live and I hate that feeling. There are many reasons but perhaps the more painful is that I can not be his support, I cannot contain or teachs him nothing. My life was and remains different from his and the image I have of him bring me down even more. Because he makes me feel more complete, he has known how to hear me and made me feel protected and I'm desperate to see I am not the most special person for him as he is for me. That hurts and it hurts me.
If he only knew that I think of him every single second of my life and when I reminds his voice, his chats a sweet smile escapes from my lips maybe he can understand he makes me the happiest girl in the world and I would give my all to make him happy.